3 Tips to Recognizing a Bad Online Relationship (And What to Do About It)

As more and more people are turning to the internet to make friends, some important issues come up which must be addressed. In recent news stories, we’ve been seeing that what starts on the internet doesn’t necessarily stay on the internet, so while some people make some very good friends and end up with a nice family, others make some very bad ones and end up on CNN.

I feel it’s important to put forth a set of guidelines to abide by for telling whether or not your budding relationship is something to worry about. Remember though that the internet is the den of uncertainty and the best place in the world to be anonymous, so no matter how careful you are, there will always be people who can trick you into believing them.

1. Screen Name: Most online meetings and discussions happen in the comfortable confines of either an internet chatroom or an instant messaging conversation. In both of these cases, the person you’re dealing with will have what’s known as a screen name; essentially their alias. As such, it is supposed to represent them in the online world, and we can make use of this fact to get a first impression of how our friend-to-be actually is. Here are some examples to illustrate the point:
   • Safe Screen Names: If your target friend-to-be has a username like “Albert Weesly” (their actual name), “Sunshine ‘N Lollypops”, or “Puppy_Lvr992″ (cute and harmless), then chances are you’re dealing with a nice person who won’t give you any trouble in the relationship. Unless you’re allergic to dogs.
   • Bad Screen Names: If, on the other hand, their screen name resembles any of the following: “Herp_ez”, “Rap(p)er”, and “Charlie McPredator”, then chances are you’re making a major mistake. While I understand that some of these may simply be attempts (sad ones) at humour, you have to stop and think for a minute if you really want to be pursuing a relationship with someone who’s got that kind of sense of humour.
2. First Chat: This is it; the big moment. You’ve met this person through heated discussions on your favourite soap opera plot discussion forum and now you’re ready to make the big move and talk to them one on one. This is a big moment because two vital things are going to be happening; first off, you’ll be able to get your first glimpse of what this person is “really” like, and secondly, they’ll be able to get their first impression of you (keep this in mind, it’ll be useful later on if things go rotten). If they seem friendly, courteous, polite and respectful right off the bat then you’re on your way to a good thing. If, on the other hand, they seem rushed, impatient, pressing or rude, then you’re going to want to nip things in the bud and move on. One vital thing to look for is them being open about themselves without being extremely pushy about getting to know every little detail about you. In this category I should also offer a warning: look out for the ones that work on the eye-for-an-eye conversation method; they tell you something about themselves and then ask you for your equivalent piece of information immediately. It’s a cheap trick, so don’t fall for it. They should talk about themselves comfortably, without blatant bragging. Then, when you mention something about yourself, it’s a good sign if they seem interested.
3. Follow-Up: So, after a pretty encouraging first chat, you’ve gone about your normal life until you and Prince Charming (or Princess Charmoiselle) decide to have another little chat. The way that this and other subsequent conversations go will give you the final bits of information you need before deciding whether or not to keep talking to them. The person in question should continue to be just as courteous and polite as they were in the first conversation, while maintaining an open attitude and a healthy interest in the things you tell them. Having said that, make sure the interest is focussed on how you feel about those things or how they affected you and other positive, healthy interests instead of focussing on where you’ll be next and what you’ll be wearing. If all goes well then you’re probably on your way to a great friendship.

Of course, things could also go terribly wrong. Perhaps your wannabe-buddy turns out to be a complete creepy weirdo who just wants to take advantage of some honest friendship; what do you do then? Well don’t worry, I have some helpful pointers for dealing with your problem. The first thing to do is start simple; tell them you don’t want to talk to them anymore and/or block them on your instant messenger. If you’re going back to that forum, you may want to consider using the “ignore user” function to, you guessed it, ignore your buddy. Sometimes though, you’ll find yourself with a very persistent little bugger who has a deficiency in the “Getting the Message” department. Congratulations, you have an online stalker.

Now it’s time to get creative. If they made another IM account to talk to you on and they keep doing that, I have a perfect way to get rid of them. Make yourself look unattractive to them. Remember when I told you to keep in mind that first impression business? Well now’s the time to bring that back up. If trying to avoid them doesn’t work, try a radically different tack and talk to them. But instead of being the good, attractive you, do some acting and scare your stalker away. Here’s a conversation to illustrate:

Stalker: Hey…I heard you’re gonna be in the area tonite; dinner?
You: Didn’t I tell you to leave me alone?
Stalker: Yeah, but I know ur just playin hard to get lol you want me
You: Yeah, you’re right. I’ve been waiting for someone to help me with this quilt for AGES. I mean, I keep trying to finish on my own but the wool sometimes gets tangled and I’m not much good at it…
Stalker: lol what?
You: You know, my quilt. I want you to help me make it!
Stalker: how bout we have some fun under it instead?
You: Hey, that’s a great idea! We can pretend it’s a cape and play Captain America while watching the cartoon on TV. I LOVE that show! And then we can show mum and dad our skit; I’m sure they’ll like you.
Stalker: Uhh…
You: Except we might have to wait a few days, the hospital only allows me three visitors per month..:(
Stalker: *logs off*

It’s all about being creative. Avoid them, and if that doesn’t work then fight fire with fire and creep the creeps away. Hopefully though, with this guide you’ll manage to weed out the bad relationships before they actually happen so you can enjoy your online friendships and let them blossom into positive experiences.

Happy eFlirting!